CRASH TEST DUMMIES UNIONIZE
In an unprecedented breakthrough decision today, over 177,000 crash test dummies were given final approval by federal labor regulators to form the Crash Test Dummies of America labor union (CTDA). The CTDA plans to fight for crash test dummies’ working conditions and fair treatment. According to the CTDA union organizers, Anita Karr, Moe Mentum, and Cole Lijjun, their top priorities are:
- Limiting the quantity and types of crash tests per week.
- Strengthening torso, limb, and head replacement parts entitlements.
- Adopting a more compassionate approach to crash test dummy recycling.
- Improving the pay scale by replacing Monopoly money with real cash.
The PETCTD (People for the Ethical Treatment of Crash Test Dummies) has endorsed the new labor union. PETCTD president Banng M. Hardar commented:
“ Being a crash test dummy is not an easy job. Most people could not handle the working conditions. We are very gratified that crash test dummies have taken a major step forward to receive the same wages, benefits, and equal treatment under the law that human workers take for granted. ”
The CTDA is in negotiations with various networks to launch a reality TV series to draw attention to the longstanding difficulties of being a crash test dummy. The title of the pending series is “Crashing Bad.” The CTDA plans additional kickoff events later this year. The union has already created its slogan:
“ When it comes to workers’ rights, we are not dummies! ”
